CINTA TRAGIKA.

"Jikalau pelangi enggan bermain Wewarnanya... Jikalau mentari enggan berkongsi Bebahangnya... Barulah aku mengaku, Cinta kita telah musnah... Barulah aku mengaku, Cinta kita kekal padah... "

if the river bifurcates, i would slid into the middle & bury myself there. for once i want to feel the aura of riverness & peace beyond forever. three days in - a- row, i get to experience sea shore life at East Coast. Only on Sunday, i didnt get to sleepover. we went home over major emergencies. Today afternoon, i went back feeling drowzy & bad headaches simply occured. our little holiday do really make it WORTH while. thanks to my big brother, he caught two large fishes. bizzare looking fishes. i duelly enjoyed playing waves with riki, bringing him to deepside waters. i myself went underwater & discovered lots of ancient looking object. i still remembered those big black paths. By those big black paths, my brother - in - law found cash, my brother found a spectacle & i myself: discovered an accident. a small boy was found with a bike catastrophe. his leg was slid into the tyre metal parts. ouch! luckily my father brought along its "spanar" & save that boy's day. everybody's was crowding. luckily, its leg resulted no mere difference.
ive collided with several yusoffians. even err.. nevermind. this person recalls my broken pieces of life. even though my stress are thrown away in the trash, problems will always be problems, which ive yet to settle. ive taken a step that i would strive hard as i could, even it simply took my breath away; to forget kerek. to ms eeqah; rather be frends with her. and i dont want anybody to get involved with this anymore. aisah, ive reflected, and i still DIDNT KNO WHATS HAPPENING. one guess, me being with eqa? ouhk, if u ever heard something from this someone & suddenly u're attacking me; it shows that u've never TRUSTED me in the first place. THANKS.

if theres a day to come, i'll make the day u realise, how hurtfull can love will be, how harmfull can a frends mouth will be, how dreadfull can frendships will be, till theres a catastrophe, and no more tears till can u cry.

SAFEST PLACE TO HIDE. = BSB.

"When this whole world gets too crazy, And there's nowhere left to go, I know you give me sanctuary, You're the only truth I know, You're the road back home."

"When I feel like giving up, I climb inside your heart, I still find You're my safest place to hide. "

when lightning seems to strike, catastrophe's likely to occur. my heart began to untie by itself, one by one the string was led go. i felt like this blog was not the saffest site anymore. how to restrict it anyone?somehow, its unpleasant if somebody, someone just budge in & mess with my own personal life. especially when i duelly dont welcome he/she to read. its ouhkay to enter and scrolls along. But dont take my every word as a form of gossip & information to pass it on others. Thats's certainly not permissioned. if u're guiltridden by this, then u're the one who are not welcomed. :)
Aisah,i din have time to be angry & stubborn all over like you. if ure too angry & hated me, just confront. if u're saying im the one who is timid & stupid, mirror yourself excuse me. u're the timid & shy type.AGREE? if u really want me to confront & burst up, ok. i'll grant u. btw, i have to thank you for telling shafeeqah abt wad ive said in the blog, messenger. ive finally settled my problems with HER, i got all those facts from HER, okay with HER and i get the real PICTURE. OK?? END...
not to ferget..
today's event certainly beautify my life. my whole family (except my bro) went to east coast. im felt treasured to have a sort-of-big-family. riki safrian is abt to have a small brother soon. "raul ilhan". so glad that he have someone to play with. my pregnant sister on the other hand, was covered with 10million smile. adoring her big tummy with its baby kicking inside. and there she was, standing in the sea, playing the waves. everybody's was like in heaven for once, where all our stress was forgotten & thrown away in the trash. not only that, East Coast = Malay World!! everywhere i went, everywhere i stand, everywhere i sat, seems to be malay cultured. and i could see thousands of cute guys wondering around. i & riki was unexpectedly invited to play soccer wiith some of the malay boys & girls. too bad, the fun wont seem to last.

SO SICK = NE-YO.

"And im so sick of love songs,So tired of tears. So done with wishing,you were still here. Said im so sick of love songs,so sad and slow. So why cant i turn off the radio?"

Here i am, bearing a demented heart. i think im drowning, asphyxiated. everything that have been absorbed seems to be torturing my mind cells. if only i can go brainwashing & leave my mind blank. why do i have to carry a heart which seems to be broken in pieces??tears came lingering without fail. but i'd gathered enough courage not to cry. do they ever care if i had a sleepless nights??. love is yet more hurtfull than my friendship catastrophe.
when kel had finally walked out from the doors of my life, once upon a time, the sch's atmosphere filled me with anger running through my veins. seeing 'her' my very own classmate;my own frend been accused being with that someone from 4nc. ive got no say. i felt unhappy nowadays. i duelly wants to forget him. this situation brings me back to the world of past. a sense of jealousy seems to bind, hopelessly covering me. AND THIS IS REAL JEALOUSY.
this brought my crush life distracted. i guess ive grown to have this thinny winny crush on this special somebody. today, cross country was surely tiresome. but i feels better seeing this special somebody around. im glad when this covered my empty side of life.
not only that, my mind is fully occupied till i had no clock to tick abt my friendships catasrophe/distructions btwn aisah. let it be. i need a break about this heartbroken thingy.
i believe:
IF THERES A WILL, THERES A WAY. IF THERES A WAY, THERES A WILL.

and things gone smoothly between my other friends & me. AMIN.

MERAUNG. - NEW BOYZ.

"Menggigil tubuh ini, Melihat kau bersamanya. Tergamam aku tak terkata, Meraung di jiwa"

"Sia-sia saja, Pengorbanan dan kesetiaanku ini. Ku sangka kau permata, Rupanya duri paling berbisa."

OUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT. - MUSE.

"I wanted freedom, but I'm restricted. I tried to give you up, but I'm addicted."

inilah sebuah kedugaan hidup. dptku mencerminkan setiap detik - detik pahit yg dicurahkan oleh sidia. akan ku sentiasa bertabah hati & mengambil perkara ini sebagai ikhtibar & percobaan dari Tuhan. lidahku kian kelu untuk berkata apa - apa. hatiku penuh dgn kehangatkan api yg membara. aku kecewa. kerana aku tidak bersalah. aku hanya seorang insan biasa. butir - butir mutiara kian deras di pipiku.

Aku seperti dinodai kecemburuan. Melihat suasana yg kurang indah dipandang. kenapakah sidia mahu merampas orang yg amat ku kasihi?(lelaki) walaupun ia suatu ketika dahulu, kasih syg masih belum pudar malah makin mendalam. Setiap tingkah lakunya membawaku luka yg mencekam.
"Ya Allah, kuatkanlah iman hambamu ini. Tabahkanlah hatiku yg lemah." Walaupun hatiku semakin membara, aku hairan akan kenapa ku berdiam diri.

The harder i try, The deeper i sink. But love has made me blind, I cant even think.
rnne:even thou u're not by my side, i know u'll never left me out, i'll give u the freedom to. :) always be my bestie & a sister to me.
ridwan: i felt sorry for him. fully treasured & sympathized when he let out his speech. i know how he feels. i duelly respect him. *salute*

Last, mood today:V.BAD. but things get better between me, kasha, yana, huda. and im glad tht i met them on my journey of life. END.

SIAPA DI HATIMU.

"Terasa bagai ditusuk sembilu bisa, Pedihnya entah bila akan terhenti, Berkasih di rimba asmara berapi, Terbakar hanya ku sendiri. Oh mengapa?"

"Siapa sejambak mawar merah, Harum dikamar hatimu, Hingga diriku disingkirkan."

a song compiled by rahmat. it really brought a repentment & depression to someone's heart. where the life goes nonconformist to peoples. my mind's nearly shutting down & my ovary area is hurting. sometimes i wonder why humans dont understand human, which is; of its own kind.

aisah: my heart was overflowing with the anger caused by her. i guessed, being nice to her isnt a valuable & usefull actions at all. maybe she likes me to be upset?? anyway, she'd done enough paralisation. she dislike me since once upon a time. im not handling sins & i dont want to burden my life by hating & not forgiving ppl. im just trying to forgive & forget.

eeqah:well, it gone from bad to worst. even though we've come out with the ans that ridwan is at fault. but another storybook appeared: GUYS. im feeling peaked. if only i can spread peanutbutter with cream on both her & anuar face. :P:P. sooner or later, i can declare her as 'mrs timer'. there u go, msging him away. but here i am, unleashing my very anger. so sorry, facts leave no room for possibilities. wait till i get the very facts, and left u no time to say sorry. and i think its not nice to lie right?? hmmp, those who are siding her, i'll burst ur humps.

mt class:a lecture was held. between mdm rehana, me, kasha, yana & syafeeqah. fantabulous. eeqah apologised, & mdm rey brings out a humorous advice. we went back to class with 15mins left to complete a test. damn it, im predestined to have no available space to sit infront & i had to walk all the way back & sit behind eeqah & aisah. a hellish moment fo' sure. where ayeim,baboon &.....blablabla... stared & gave those idiotic smile. the feelings of jealousy was running through my veins & i was pushing the table vigorously. & they copied?? i'll stab you to death.

the rest of the day turns out fine where hidayah & i have been hanging looking out for 'bear'. he is a charmer with those delectable cheeks & captivating smile. but, umm, i guess **** is much - much better. too bad i din get the golden chance to queue beside him today. aww..

WE BELONG TOGETHER. :P:P

" when u left i lost a part of me, it's still so hard to believe, come back baby please coz we belong together "

" Be without your love, Never imagined I'd be Sitting here, beside myself "

a song that i'll never forget. :P. im having a long coffeebreak. mesmering those uncountable moments @ sch makes me dying inside. there goes the gloomy countenance of a dissapointed me. this song might fit to a person like:

mr kerek: his shadows surrounds me. his appearence kept binding & framing my mind. i dunt kno how the hell WHY i cant get him out of my head! tho' kel sortof replaced him. it really hurts inside whenever ive crossed the line. out of a sudden, he came appearing aside. today makes no mere difference;passing by with its idiotic catwalk. & became more daring to walk beside me. err.. helpline pls! :P:P

additional topic: the door finally unlocks & kasha, yana, me confronted shafeeqah. me, rnne & others have the common feeling that its definitely eeqah's in the wrong. those words of yana, kasha duelly makes sense. omg!btw,she lied!!! she had a boyfrend actually?& said to me & anuar that she's single & not ready yt?but the important part is, anuar. wads her motive to say single to anuar??to make him attract her?lol, im really not laughing, i just cant be fucked. but the main thing is:did he really like her??i wonder.. as ive no definite proof yet. :P:P evn they dont approve that pesky phrase. im not sure whether its true anyway. i close one eye.

atiqah: ure really intimate with eeqah?ouhkay, great. uh - uh, i knew ure in cloudnine nowadays. uve got back what u loose. all the best with aisah. take care.

and some untouchable memories left with a question mark. i wish i could transport myself back to the past so that i'll never regret on my careless moves.

miss you. :P:P

TOO HOT TO HANDLE. (:

definitely a day to be admired. my stomach is abt to crack open. almost everybodys' acting stupid & full of imbecility (stupidity). im here bearing a demented heart. some things got messed up; whilst some things' finally cleared.

frends: everythings gone smoothly between rnne, me & the others. i want to thank 'atiqah' especially. with sincere gratitude. :P:P she will always be placed & catogarised as one of my closest frend. i'll never forget her deeds. only one certain person thats getting on my nerve; thats 'HER'. whom intimately manipulating my love life. or should i say a love story that isnt extinct yet?? even though its over. i find every of her movements sarcastically notorious. cant stand it! grr!!

lets skip that. did i mention ppls are acting stupid today? oh, yup! aniwey mr chua our poa teacher; is being outstandingly stupid! he defined several errors, teaches wrong chapter, spoken wrong lines & got lost?? wassup with that??mr tan too. he was acting stupid!. blinded by love i guess??he was damn worried that the whole class was sleepy! its like even the most attentive mr david got asleep!all's ppls are in lala land. wonderful. :P:P

mr kerek: on the other hand, ive collided a stupid accident with him. and that was badass shocking. i was in a mood to go toilet as usual, go in, then out; on the door, ive speedup my stamina. and when i abt to turn.... *BOOM!!!* there it goes. outside toilet. i shouted of course. ive hitted myself in his fully body. he's tall and i cant see who it is! a hard body, and it hurts! & he's like not expecting, but his reaction was slow. lol! after a few seconds, then he gave a normal remark "adumak" in his soft - spoken way. and rub its hand. after standing there like an idiot and he STILL never moves & stare, i set off back to class mumbling rather than looking at him longer. besides that, after mt, (intervals) im going up the stairs as usual. but i find it very irritating whenever im going evry each floor, we got eye contact. he's looking up to me & i have to look down to idiotic him. mt class was specifically stupid too. his frends kept bugging & bullying me. grr!! and the most outermost pathetic thing of all; he bought the same bottle as me. my fav. and i drank it for two solid days. and there he was, buying it infront of me. in the end, remedials were no mere difference. he creates a noise pollution & attracts every of my attention by passing by 4td, stand outside class etcetra. can someone kill him?? i just cant be fucked.

****: he's queing beside me during recess. im feeling happy inside. :P:P

this is the day where stupid ppl ignites their stupidity and creates a very stupidious moments and acts. definitely full of stupidiness. opps, sorry, cut the crap.

HEART - ACHE.

Im drastically hurt. every of those illegal moments pierced thru' the hole of my heart. a brooding menacing atmosphere was covering me. my brain, my mind seems to be blunt and cramped. its like, i existed in a world of bronze - age.

Frends: 'she' was getting on my nerve. this makes me nearly giving up in having a bestfrend. 'she' kept running after my bestfrend. which clearly defined that rnne is a gold worth looking for. a treasure that everybody had been searching for. i had enough shit, which leads me to rough - edge. hence, my mindset dont wish for a fight. instead, i'll avoid her. it leads me to nowhere whenever seeing them together. i cant protest. because, ppl will side her instead of me! rnne will side her with her provenance & explanations. i've got no say, wait untill rnne realise.

mr kerek: mr kerek was like an electrons surrounding me (which is; im nucleous). everywhere i drop by, there he is walking by & staring. im in a burst of fright whilst he seems so too. today, we're full of coincidence. going shop, mt, urggh! uncountable moments. surely & definitely we have eye - connection. its like, we can predict the right timing to gaze at each other. eqa on the other hand stared at him too. i find it very irritating & notorious. it suck. =/ i wonder why, im in full of jealousy? maybe i still care for him v. much? :X

guys: sec'three guys are comparatively much more better than sec'fours. its earth shattering for me, as ive never felt like melting before (over a younger guy!). idiotic days im compiling day - by - day. :P:P:P:P and my p.e. lessons; i get to see this particular cute guy, ummp! fantabulous. nvr felt better. recess? he's always there queing behind me. gorgeous situation. hai yah! emotional - ism. :P:P

before hand: ive taken the decision to be with sharon for the time being. she even have the same traumatic situation as me. frends. 2006 is a bloody fucking year. get it?

HYSTERIA. :P:P

i love the lyrics. by MUSE.
information counter:
the lyrics contains standard british words. its fantabulous.
somemore its complimised with rock indies rhythm. :P

updation to be made:
i love sch. i guess its my way to escape boredom. blergh! this year, sitting beside hou shuai rawks my undie world. it amusing to see him being lazy, whilst he's the toppest in MATHS. he didnt require energy to bury in books to consume every formula in his head! gosh, im sitting beside the topmaths man ( still childish tho') whereas im a looser in MATHS. (i think) :P. no doubt, im improving this time.

guys?i can visualise hundreds of guys in my mind right now. cant resist cute guys. felt like pinching its delectable cheeks. awww~ younger guys preferably. Anyway, theres 4major guys are on my nerve. 2 of them makes me shy. i guess im in a total crush ( maybe ). another two, its on anger. grrr! mr kerek & kel is traumating my life. mr kerek makes me inhale every hurt that he've used whilst kel is a dumbass, flatass guy. DUMB MANIAC. se - too - pid. im here trying to forget them, and there they both making me not to forget them. torturing my mind cells. this makes me grows fonder and missing them alort. haiss. :P:P

frends? yup2, the most fucking topic ever. worser than guys' topic. weird huh. i wonder why some ppls cant handle their jealousy? way over - limit. A FREN IS EVERYBODYS" FREN. its' okay to be jealous abit, but dont let it end up to a fight/conflict etcetras. another se - too - pid act. i admit i myself have been jealous over rnne & huda being together, but i have my limits. but to that somebody out there, she's despying me. she dislike me. is being wit 'cookiemonster' wrong? i tel u what, ive known her longer. u dont need to be upset, u get that title of urs to be her bestfren. i dont, pardon me. now, i left myself hanging without her, u go get her & have it for yourself. satisfied?

lesson of the day:
being independent is way more better than relying on others.
- sometimes, others dont realised on our little motives.
- jealousy might lead to a bigger form of discrimination.
- guys are whatever, no matter how it turns out. fat ass.

Things will never be the same.

My life was finally brought back to its shape.
Calm atmosphere & repent aura was binding me.
I knew that i was once too mischevious girl.
i nvr handup work on time, disorderly praying,
rarely attended cca meetings. that sucks i tell u.
Ive realised, ive chosen wrong companies of frens.
SHE destroyed my life to pieces.
SHE IS IDA.
i'd use to get good grades for exams, getting top10,
but then?? I NEARLY STAYBACK? totally sucks.
and that all because of LOVELIFE. *gosh*
but now, i repent. im not raising a white flag as a failure.
IM GONNA` WIN BACK ALL THAT IVE LOST!!
still struggling, i felt satisfied. cos` by now,
i done the good deeds. im doing my hw, attending ccas,
praying & doing my job as a child. never STAYBACK at sch.
as u could see, if we dunt remember GOD*,
*GOD wont help u. Obviously true huh?

Get Back to the basics, today was FANTABULOUS.
i assume tht atiqah is being damn fucking bad mood.
RNNE too. *gasp* bad mood!!! oh why? infront of me?
I HATE PPLS SHOWING ATTITUDE.
evn thou` i tried to be nice,
they dunt give a damn. LOLL! umm. they are nice to others thou they're bad mood. but when its me, they acted like im nort alive & dead TRANSPARENT.
org dah lah kuat weried.. they dunt give a fucking damn..
I GUESS IM MORE FREAKING ASS BAD MOOD THEN THEY ARE.
their bad moods have no limits.

BUT, somehowww, theres sum peeps out there, some GUYS
kept distubing me. *urgghh* i dont have sharp eyes to bear and see who it is. so, its pretty hard for me to vision the person. and today seeing mr kerek, ***r, ***n, ***h, relieves my day finally! they're dead cute, and all of them was smilling, :P:P:P
and before i knock off,
SLAMAT HARI RAYA HAJI MUSLIM PEEPSS!!

the single life.

simply free to love other sorts of guys.
lesson learnt : guys are the same.*applause*
no matter how different they are, different cultures, etc
they're down with special chemically hormones
that we girls didnt equpped with. guys arent indepedent
without girls, but we girls do witht a guy. for example :
they sure cant stop wooing, being obsessive, remarrying
& gets high whenever they spot pretty girls & nakeds.
i dont think majority of girls are like that to guys!

but the definite factors is, im adoring certain guy right now.
*squuue* thats what matters to me.
forget bout that sympathetic guy, kel.
though it brought mesmerising memories.
hate to be attached though. *urggh* :(

and.
sch`s nort bad after all.
i get the inclination of seeing the hotties.
a wonderful environment to study.
a cherishable expand of friends.

todays' wonderful. delightfull.
a chatastrophic of poa lessons dooms me.
other lessons entertains me.*yeah*
mr kerek in the club. cant resist him.*lol*
i guess im simply in love today. aww!

goodnight. :)

DUMB ASS.

*tsktsk* nva slept fer the whole day.
done my hw at 5am, shower, get done, oout at 7.05am.
geaaaah. its my first day of schh.
waitingg` fer rnne to arrive. damn late. *ohno*
many yusoffians hd past by me.
am lucky. spot miss liyana. *gasp*
she saved my day. called rnne up. myohmy.
she's at caltex wit apis. *grrrrr* uve wasted total time!
err no mind. its okhkye. get going. brg kasha alg.
reach sch. i ws jokingg` oll de way. *hurhur* multi - fun.
spot mr kerek looking. change glances. me speechless.
annd ive found 'a' basic truth. *uh-uh*
class located @ lvl 4, farking hell. get me out plssssh?
seen tht guilty girl. *issh* talkingg` to aisha boey? hmmp.
i hope she's nort seducing aisha's mind.
dont want to trust me, i dunt givve a damn. i noe im right.
rest of the day is fun. imanbachok is HOT!! *melt*
tried to approach fazz bot song. nahh. *gasp*

now im tinkingg` of findingg` a suitable guy.
thou i lurps mua dearriie kel. *muarrrkkss*
but his frend dont fancy me. i hate tht. :(
so theres no way reuniting like tht. no worth.

whose a guy whic is willing to build a sincere love relationship??
none??

MISSING YOU`
BADLY.

im crazy over missing u
nothing but only u
every minute, i think of u
every hour, i talk bout u
everyday, i dreamt of u.
NOTHING
BUT
ONLY
YOU.

undesirable day. *hurhur* no mood to eat. full of repugnance. minds occupied with shadows of kel. im feeling moody & upset.
*insert a very sentimental songs here*
nothing interest me today. only issues of cookie monster & khalil's story consoled me. cookie monster? opps. i mean wannabe. presents nur atiqah *applause*
we both create a new sense of fashion names. can i call myself crackers? elmo? *lol* guess we've been absolute crazy rite? *hurhur* a joke of a friend. :)
khalil's issues is abt anuars jumblepack holiday to east coast. dont get me wrong. *gasp* what interest me is atishah. nort him. she'd clashed wit minor accident. *gosh* i hope she's ok.

and its 25hours to sch. that bad? *ouch* ive yet to accomplished my task. my geog hw is undone. boohoo. NEW YEAR is truthfully bad after all. i didnt get any good news so far. damn it.
happy new year then. (2006. will it brg me any good? hmmp.)