To all Muslims, I would like to share an e-mail I received today. Happy reading!

There was a young man who went overseas to study forquite a long time. When he returned, he asked his parents to find him a religious scholar or any expert who could answer his 3 Questions.
Finally, his parents were able to find a Muslim scholar.=20

Young man: Who are you? Can you answer my questions?
Scholar: I am one of Allah (SubHana Wa Ta`ala )'s slaves and Insha-Allah
(God willing), I will be able to answer ur questions.
Young man: Are you sure?
A lot of Professors and experts were not able to answer my questions.
Scholar: I will try my best, with the help of Allah(SubHana WaTa`ala).

Young Man: I have 3 questions:
1. Does God exist? If so, show me His shape.
2. What is thaqdir (fate)?
3. If shaitan (Devil) was created from the fire, why at the end he will be thrown to hell that is alsocreated from fire. It certainly will not hurt him at all, since Shaitan (Devil) and the hell were created from fire. Did God not think of it this far?

Suddenly, the Scholar slapped the young man's face very hard.
Young Man (feeling pain): Why do you get angry at me?
Scholar: I am not angry.
The slap is my answer to your three questions.
Young Man: I really don't understand.
Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?
Young Man: Of course, I felt the pain.
Scholar: So do you believe that pain exists?
Young Man: Yes.
Scholar: Show me the shape of the pain!
Young Man: I cannot.
Scholar: That is my first answer. All of us feel God'sexistence without being able to see His shape... Lastnight, did you dream that you will be slapped by me?
Young Man: No.
Scholar: Did you ever think that you will get a slap from me, today?
Young Man: No.
Scholar: That is takdir (fate) my second answer...... My hand that I used to slap you, what is it created from?
Young Man: It is created from flesh.
Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?
Young Man: In pain.
Scholar: Thats it. this is my third answer, Even though Shaitan (Devil) and also the hell were created from the fire, if Allah wants, insha-Allah (God willing), the hell will become a very painful Place for Shaitan.

Im feeling scared.

I felt that I'm the worst person you could ever think of!

Just after that ghost encounter.
I would not know if you were to believe me or not.
Dig my heart out, I swear that I led out the truth.

On thursday, I had a tired day out.
Off I went to bed, but my mind was uneasy.
Cyclones were haunting my heart,
but still I managed to sleep.

The next day ( Friday ), I went out with my friends.
We went to catch a movie : Frostbite.
Gross! That's the comment I could thought of.
It all based on vampires & nasty dripping bloods.
When I arrived home, that was the time I received a horrifying news.

My mum went bonkers over me all of the sudden.
She told me hundreds of time not to break our religious rules.
I eyes never let a blink and my heart dropped.

"At 2am, your brother was about to went to bed.
As he was about to enter his bedroom,
he saw a creature that made his eyes glued to your bedroom.
You know what he saw little lady?
That --------- is infront of you trying to harm you!"

My brother continued : After that, the creature dissapeared
when I looked into it again.

My mother continued : Not only that, I saw it again!
And this did not happenned for no reason. Make sure you repent now.
You're no good person anyway. You never followed Islam's rules.


From then on,
I realised that who I really am now.
And this clearly shows that I have to change to a better human.

HAPPY TEACHERS DAY!
may god bless you.
Especially to my favourite ones:
Mr Ishak, Mdm Rehana,
Mrs Eng, Ms Ang.

I just love yesterday.
I attended school as usual with Twin(r)usdn.
But for that special day, i wore a bright blue half-dress with season faded jean.
I applied make-up & all kinds of accessories, cause Im pretty sure Mr Adam would not care anyway.
AND IM VERY TRUE!

I was involved in helping out on handling food, present it to teachers & backstage help.
It turned out that I had wonderful time with the preformers, Mr Adam & my other peers.
Many commented how stunning I looked. I blushed & thanked them.
But then, some of them pinched my cheek! ouch!!
Even the sec1s.
Backstage, all of us handled delicious food like sushis, pizza, cakes etc.
All of us went so hungry! luckily there's leftovers for us.

Shortcuts, the performance went great & I met my groups at the foyer.
This time, Dayah/LULU!! & her gangs came along.
All were thinking of where to go.

NAK PERGI MANER?
tanyer boss laki ahh..
GI MANER NI?
tanyer boss pompan ahh..

suddenly, all blurted of going to town.
then off we go.
It's been long since we went there.
because it is such a "BASI" place.
HAH!

SUNDAY,

was a day to remember.
the fun I had, the tiredness I carried.
Overall I'm fully grown satisfied!

Early in the morning,
I had to force myself up & get ready for the BIG DAY.
I had to attend My cousin's wedding
AND...
The twin's small sister birthday party.

By 11am I reached Woodlands b617.
I did not realised that my mouth went half-open as I admired my surroundings.
It was totally grand & the facilities and decorations are all high-class.
I found out that my handsome cousin spent $20 000 on all of those.
The catering was fabulous and the food are deadly delicious.
I sign on the guestbook accompanied with wishes.
NOT TO FORGET! dikir barat was sent to that location.
Media mass casa was invited as Djs & unexpected celebrities was there too.


Shortcuts, I went to the twin's small sister birthday party ard 5pm.
Raf, Sugarddy, Hafizkhan, Wakfian, Farhan & his girl came.
Received goodie bags & participated in Lucky Draw.
how sad.. (R)usdn's ex finished off most of the prizes!
*sob sobs*
reached home ard 9pm AND.....

TADA! I never attend school today. (:

Looking at myself in the mirror,
I sensed that the crisis identity had nearly ended.
I finally learnt myself
& slowly discovered my true identity.
Satisfied, I gave a heavenly smile & walked off.

I dropped myself on the white silky sands,
Raf came & we naturally put our hands to work!
Guess what we did?
A sand castle & a sand sculpture of human dying.
It was so eye-catching that I ran to my other peers,

& blurted " Tadaaa!! Look what we did!! "

Am so proud of it. Thanks to Raf's creative hands.
But in the end, we had to leave behind our creations
as we need to catch waves badly.
AND!! it was destroyed by those pure loosers
volleyball asses!! *sobs sobs*

And ..
My stomach was like 0/10.
Guess what 7eleven sold to us?
A cheapskate Nasi Lemak.
The worst part was to discover that
the egg was so small, enough to feed a baby!
And the chicken is dead cute.
Not enough to fill my bigfuck tank.

And this tells me that I need to grab some food right now~

A Sweet As Maple Syrup.. Day.

I conclude that I & her is hard to be apart.

We are like a dry stone wall,
Stone of us fit closely together && no cement.

Digeridoo was played as we both sank deep into our own dream.


And so, Today.. I did my Maths & Ss paper.
Truly did not expect that it could turn out simple.
The fear I had in me faded away & little amount of confidence was born.
But.. that did not mean I will pass with flying colours.

Plus,
Tomorrow I will be doing my geography,
Better get going now !!

GIVE IT UP TO ME ...

Finally ! Back to my boisterous way of life.
And beats is what exists in my soul.
Sean Paul will always be my sexy voice idol ! haha !

After all those explorations I had covered in the world of music
especially Rock. Even those piddling details. There are many subs in Rock & divided into different kinds of genres. Not to forget those fully - fashioned clothes.

And Rock is still in season !


Today, I decided to chill at my crib.
Covered my most boring routine which is eat, sleep, com, tv, eat, sleep, com, tv. If not I would sms & sms & sms.
But..
Food is what matters to me most !
I gobbled up 3 plates of rice, 2 bags of potato chips & 1 stick of ice cream.
Thank god I'm not fat ! haha !

What should I have for my next meal? hmm !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

Before bragging on the happy issues,
im
TOTALLY DISSAPOINTED
for this year National Day celebration with my school.
It was not amusing & satisfying compared to last year.

The weather toned like a human's lugubrious voice, poured a slow & steady rainwaters. I could not even hear what the speaker wanted to say.

Stupid!

At least,
I got to entertain myself playing with those man-made fake hi-5 hands made for easier & noisier thunder of clappings. Plus! a not-so-wonderful goodie bag. haha !

As Khairi passed the goodie bag to me, his face seemed pale.

I wonder how's that rawker's life right now.

The remaining time was spent with my special friends.

The twin;
instead of slacking @ Esplanade with some pure loosers,

he's watching fireworks later with his big brother. Aww.. That's sweet!

I will spent the rest of my night with my family.
WHICH COMES FIRST!


TOODLES!

Whatever that had happened today,
was more like a slippery dream.

Those tintinnabulation was heard across my mind clearly.
I could still imagine those smooth drifting waves.

I trully enjoyed Sugar, the twin & Ruff's company.
How am I to express how fun I felt to spend time with them? Especially to the one I cared most? Mainly because :

It is difficult to unravel complex human emotions.

The place we went ? Err . It's a secret !!

Tmrw my school is celebrating NATIONAL DAY.
With the public. lols.
GOODNIGHT

When someone hates you, there is reasons behind it .
It is worst if you are not in the wrong.
It is worser if you are in the wrong.

YOU are the one who intend to create enemies.
YOU are the reason that create haters bindweed.

It may be by your unacceptable attitude,
full blooded argument between both parties;
BECAUSE OF YOU,
or by your wrong doings/decisions etc .

It's time that you need to turn over a new leaf.

Unless you intend to remain the way as it is.

Today, nothing unusual happened .
Only that I did a hybernating job on bed.
I woke up at 11am & continued back at 2pm till 7pm.
I don't know what made me so awfully tired that I desperately needed tonnes of rest. When I tried to sit facing the mirror, my mind did a wild spin & my whole body collapsed.

SO RESTLESS .

CLOUD NINE .

Went out with one of the twins! (R) usdn .

Sheltered fully with happy moments.
Even though his ex; Setan binte Iblis, kept calling & distracting him.
Even though a little amount of jealousy is filling me.
I understand & understood.
It's a part & parcel of life to overcome breakups .


Yesterday, I did my English N Level Prelim Paper.
It was quite tough as my comprehension skills is rusty.
The topic was on Pharaoh : The ruler of ancient Egypt.
Discovery on Mummies. Interesting .

After that, I & my buddies catched the Movie "Click" .
A nasty, emotional & stomach-breaking movie!
It thought me to value the life I had to lead.


Till then.
CHEERS .

HAISSH...
I hate today.
Seriously .
Feeling like decontaminating that shit.

Not worth to be identified as a human. A shit who do not wish to blend a harmonious relationships between every races of our schmates.
After sch, I hung out with my friends.
As usual, we stopped by a study point @ rc. This time, without premonitory symtoms; Ray, Fadhilah & a guy dropped by. Followed by Patmah & Afai. Then.. Dayana. All putting on a long face. I'm sure that the main character involved is Nab--- . They're going to talk things through. Like my case that had been preoccupying me lately. Stewpid rumours & accusations. can't be bothered!
CHILD'S PLAY!

Plus, prelims is starting tomorrow.
Goodluck peeps.
MWAHHS!

FUCK , FUCK, FUCKING DAY .
I withdrawed a lopsided grin,
slammed the car door shut
& dragged myself into the school compound.
As I entered the classroom, almost every single of my classmates stared at my pale face like as if I'd just consumed a Scrumpy.

I woke up late today.

Thanks to Dad's powerful voice to blink my eye.

I pitied that Twin for waiting for me to arrive whilst Im lying on my bed, still caught up in my fantasy world. Moreover, what teacher had thought during lessons was like a lullaby to me.
Plus, 2 fugly pimples appeared on my face! I simply can't bring myself infront of the mirror.
Fuck, I never had this fuck,fuck,fucking figures before. I'm feeling ugly.

F.Y.I : That twin had a new haircut today, the way i like it (:


CHEEROS IDIOTS!

Saturday, was great.
Went out with one of the twinbrothers.
We had high quality fun hanging around jurong point & causeway point. He was so grateful to get his mobile phone back from Nokia centre. Although we did not spend our time for 24hours, I truly enjoyed each other's company.

Today dated 1st of August,
I did not attend school simply because I'd consumed viruses causing my nose to be deadly distrupted since Sunday.

On Sunday, my whole family caught ourselves in Sentosa.

Both my brother & brother-in-law are involved in Soccer Tournament held near Pahlawan Beach. Since they could not got into finals, we used the remaining time taking pictures, playing the drifting waves & had a wonderful picnic!

Thanks to mum for the homemade food.

Deadly delicious. (:

Due to those waves & cold weather, Im gifted with sickness. Well, overall I don't regret upon my doings, as long I am satisfied.

Besides that, I'm worried about my bestfriend's situation.
We both agreed that to let the problems be.

"Why look out on others' mistakes when you yourself is not perfect?"

Think twice homosapiens.
Cheeros idiots (:

Happy Birthday To Me, Rose Idariza. (:


First & Foremost, I want to thank these listed peoples for taking troubles to wish me a happy birthday one-on-one.

-rNNe
-Hidayah
-Ian
-Rusdan
-Toyol
-Fared
-Glenn
-Ynaes
-Vithya
-Wenny
-Sugardaddy
-Huda
-Diyannah
-Azhar
-Arina
-Khaleeq
-Ubai
-Khalil
-Rizal
-Haikal3nc
-Zairie
-Nuraisah
-Siva
-Ikiin
-Nelly
-EvilBoy
-Akel&Gang
-My Sister
-Parents
-Sec2GirlGangs.
-SomeSec3s.

ETC! there seems to be alot. I don't want to grind my brain anymore.

Mdm Rehana, my form teacher remembered my Birthday & she wished me in the early morning. That's totally sweet. During Chemistry class, she brought me foward facing all my classmates & they began to sing me a Birthday song. Cool, even though i'm not willing to stand & stared. The followng day, she gave me a present.

On Friday,

My friends decided to bring me to watch Nacho Libre!

Sooo funny. I occupied seats between Sugardaddy & Rusdn. We bought popcorns, 4 medium cups of water, 1 sausage & 2 potato chips in total.. Blewed away many bucks.
After hanging out with them..

My parents treated me @ Bagus IMM.

Met rNNe's mother & introduce my family to her. Had a short chat & I;m off digging! I had Garlic Bread, Rojak & Tomyam Soup. My other family members had 2 meals each. From Laksa to Beef Noodles, Bolognese Spagetti & such. I wonder how much we spended on overall!
But it seems that I'm having a great time this week. (:

I'm feeling nauseous lately til yesterday I had to take an early leave home.

I wonder what's wrong with me.

I didnt even had the luxury of time to spend on surfing the net. Guess I'd been too busy burying myself in piles of hws. Tooo much of accounting & Ptolemy's Geocentric model of the universe. I had to hold on, even if my head somehow hurts.

Besides that, I MISS THEM.

There are so many inponderables that is impossible to make an accurate prediction of how much & why I miss them. :(
Maybe they're just too special to me?

Not sure.

I got to spend cute quality time with them today. We had sooo much laugh on the topics we brought & made out.
I was just moaning about having a stomach ache when suddenly sugar spit topics about Shit! from there we talked about our childhood experience on how we used to passed out & such. Haha! Taklehh anngss. Then to all kinds of stupid topics.


After that, One by one went off seperate ways & we're down to me, sugar, Ruff & Rusdn. Send sugar home & I'm left with Rusdn & Ruff. It became more peacefull & I headed home, leaving them both behind. I need to brush up my studies & my mother wanted me home to accompany her for urgent mattters.
How sad I can't attend today's Interact meeting,
Im hoping they would understand.

I tried soo hard to draw a smile even though Im crying inside. Dayah's no longer belong to our group. She had moved on with her life with Glenn's group. One by one leaving us behind. Yesterday, Ruff decided to leave us for a while to accomplish his task in observing. Even though I dont want him to leave badly, I just have to swallow the sorrow & wish him goodluck. :(
I can only fully depend on ramdhan, faRED & the twins: Rusdan&Rusydi. I realised that all of them starts with letter R. Even my lovely Bestfriend : rNNe. besides that are all my other friends, classmates which are there to hold me on. soo thankfull.
Today was a great day. For today's P.e Lesson, I played badminton with rNNe. Gossh, totally tiresome! Instead of smacking the shuttlecock to London, she landed it to Paris! Get it?? But overall, it's a wonderful game.
I urged myself to be more attentive in class & forced myself to do my homework. I realised, im beginning to get used to it. Only one negative trash I've done today is.. nt to complete my essay for Rehearsals. Dammiits. Well, The rest of the day, I managed to spend quality time with my buddies. And now I know 'who love who'. KIKIKI. (:
7 CUTE DAYS TO SWEET SIXTEEN. lollllss.

SO HAPPY. (:

after sch, we went to alazahar to eat.
a friend of mine treat the group of US, since she got her pay. yiiippee!. We grabbed a heavy meal & some tasty bites of murtabak. overall, we concluded that claypot mee is the tastiest dish on our table.
Library became our next hotspot destination, since i needed to borrow a couple of books. Thats when the strangest thing happened. I went to search for a malay fiction book when all of a sudden two cute Yussofian boys appeared beside me. They've been tagging along behind me since I entered wm. When they got nearer, I went further away. They've been whispering, staring & figgiting for 5mins when suddenly Sugardaddy appeared & cut off the scene. It's not the first time, they've been doing this @ sch too. Superrweeeirdd.
Before I set off home, I managed to spend time with Ruff & we shared our secrets & problems. I told him off how weird it is, a friend of Ruf..sec 4 guy.. simply to have a crush on me. I just cant accept the fact & trying to take it as a joke. we spot rasul's geng playing st & they were like teasing me off about something. hurhur. whereas at night, a friend of mine dropped by my house & used computer. Sooo glad that to day turned out great. Toodleeess. muacks~

NO USE MAKING ME JEALOUS.
dont be such a big fuck.
i never ever cared.

HATE ME ALL YOU WANT.
just realise u're bangla bitches.

LOVE ME ALL YOU WANT.
may god bless you.

WHEN U GOSSIPED TOO MUCH,
IT SHOWS THAT:
u're one potential person;
to join makbedahs' club & rot.

NO USE ACTING GOOD.
because u're not the only one.

NO USE SHOWING OFF UR GUY.
as if he's the best one ard.
nobody ever bothers.

===========================
I HATE THIS. (:

There are a number of reasons that people lie. The first is fear. This is the most common reason that people may lie, and they are taking shelter from a perceived punishment. It may be because they know they have done something wrong a single time, in which case it is not compulsive lying. But if they are always in fear of being punished, it may become a habit, which is a second reason for lying. In this case, it may become compulsive lying, which is lying by reflex. Even when confronted by the truth, they insist the lie is the truth in this case. A third case is learning to lie through modeling. When a people see others lie, especially when they get away with it, they may become more prone to lying. Finally, people lie because they feel if they tell the truth they won't get what they want. Thus, out of the main reasons for lying, only lying by habit can truly be called "compulsive lying."

I WONT BE UPDATING MUCH. IM DEAD SICK.

Love Defined
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

Perhaps, the most important of Divine Laws is the 'law of love.' Put simply, "Love is Law, Law is Love." This amounts to the same thing as "the gift of giving" without the hope of reward or pay, or serving others. When you do the right thing for others you receive gifts in unexpected ways. Paradoxically, those who help you may not be those you help. The help you receive may come from surprisingly distant connections.
===============================
The guy will say :
"My lady's presence makes the roses red."
===============================
IM HAVING A VESTED INTEREST
IN MAKING THAT BLACK GIRL ASHAMED.
Since she spread rumors abt me like lightning.
I strenuously denied the accusations,
but i won't ever raise a white flag.
EVEN IF I HAD ENOUGH TILL TODAY.
===============================
Today, i hung out with my group.
But we're terribly dirty - minded.
ALL DIRTY TOPICS U CAN THINK OFF.
Bullshits. They kept teasing me.
If not this guy, it will be..
that guy. Sniffs Sniffs. (-.-"
===============================
LESSON TO LEARN:
ONCE U THINK U'RE GOOD,
ALWAYS THINK THERES SOMEONE
BETTER THAN YOU. (:
===============================
PS: im starting my dance course back this july.
Just for one cute month.
This time, two new guys are joining in from
marsiling; as breakdancers. xD

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

U may spend all your money on useless branded stuff. When u know u just belong to a normal family, which parents need a helping hand. But u showed - off instead.
For the life of mine, Im lucky to be born fortunate. To have a beautiful experienced married sister, A handsome talented brother, A hardworking parents & certainly a car, money, two cribs to satisfy me. (: But im never like THOSE.
==================================
BACK TO SCHOOL, FINALLY.
SCHOOL IS BETTER THAN WORKING.
IF ONLY I CAN NEVER GROW OLD. (:
I tried my very best to focus on every lessons.I give a naive & simplistic approach to Maths especially. Since it's the most important & labelled as one of my weak subjects; even though i scored well at times. This brings me vexation. (-.-"
==================================
Some "minah pukimaks" thought that since i'd written my english horribly, im a worst fucking writer. hell, they don't even know, i'm in a hurry & i badly need to study. they said, im still a kid. BUT DONT THEY REALISED?
THEY'VE BEEN A FUCKING KID BEFORE TOO? (:
Maybe they are way more geekier! "lebih kental nak mampos!" I even looked at my sister's & brother's photos last time when they're younger. zaman taik.
too bad they didn't get to feel the enjoyment we had now as a young teenager. we have better learning center. We're so lucky, unlike them. They had to think of ending their teenage life & start a family. Safe money & such.
==================================
LESSON TO LEARN:
BEFORE U LOOK ON OTHER PEOPLE,
LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR.

- Sat like an itchy maggot,
on the last seats at cinema;
I & the chickenns aliveeee.
Watched "SCARY MOVIE 4"
Ya Allah! I cant stop laughing xiass!
DISGUSTING & i'm disgusted.
But it's worth a laughing stock.
Moreover, there's ladies ctg bside me.
Basket btol, mcm hyena terbiar!
" Tampar, terbang .. "
Even it's not at ALL FUNNY,
they still laugh! errrrrrrrr..
I went " What the fish? "
Why r they so dodo?
Luckily, i can still cope with it.

Back home, i scribbled on my notepad.
letting it out with a heavy heart,
" It's IMPORTANT to have ..
SOMEONE u can confide with"


But i didn't have any. Even if i do have, it's just not the right person to confide with. I let out my emotional crippling problems but they will find a way to disembark & disentangle from it! some will walk in when the whole world had walked out & imagine they were in my shoes & result me some advices. But somehow, a problem like im having, they 're not the right shoe size for this.
When im on phone with them, tears start rolling down even before i manage to start to tell. Instead, we drifted to diff kinds of topics .. magically, i end up laughing; forgetting my problems. but still, i need a listening ear.

: catched the "Silent Hill" movie. (^.^)v

:thanks gdfthr fo treating me the tickets.

- some scenes r similar to R.Evil {cool}
- vulgarities bringing us bonkers.
- disgusting to maximum xias. {ewws}


Also, got great comments from friends & fams.
Though it's not easy to cope with short hair. xD
{ two thumbs up }

HALF HAPPY.
- i went for a haircut & it rock.
- mum bought me a sch converse shoe worth $60. (: inner pink, outer white.
- a few earings & studs. black & pink, yeyysss.

3/4 HAPPY.
wanne thank these ppls for keeping me entertained this few days in msn:
- Fauzi
- Godfather {play game, i won!}
- Azrie
- Aisha { thanks for the advices!}
- Khaleeq
- Syahmi { comments! }
- Ahzai
- Yayah { care&concern! }
- Syafiq
- Rafie { thanks for the advices! }
- Khalil
- Haikal { bug me for my secret! }
- Songeh
- Wanslash { entertainer! }
- Nazri
- Radzie { fun! }
- Haizal
- Ifwat { fun! }
- Khairi
... ETC ...
BECAUSE MY GOODY FRENS ARE ON HOLIDAYS.
hope they come back soon, safe & sound.

If only love can be further elucidated to explain the truest meaning of it.
If only a human can predict when true love will come by knocking.
If only a weak human can bear the insupportable pain of love.
If only every human can use philter on their crush, but its wrong.

Even the most phlegmatic individual would get stressed out under such pressure.

I realised, I'm self - inflicted. Im causing, projecting my problems myself.
I cant open to public my soaking problems yet, but I will; SOON.

Anyway, lately im addicted to the "Gol" Video Clip shown on Suria Channel featuring a star - studded cast. well, it simply rawks both my eyes & ears. Sheikh Haikel dressing is way too cool. (:

School Matters have yet to settle;
Rumours begun to spread slowly. All because of Nabila the *****. Seriously, is it wrong to be close friend with a guy? Not wrong right? So, "Why so DODO!?" Just because we're all close, doesn't mean we're an item. And theres' no proof that either of us are attached with another. Just bug off!

Today, I killed my time underblock & playgrd with Riki, even though im not feeling well. Toodles.

How to explain some things that are unexplainable?
How to describe feelings that are undescribable?

Totally SPEECHLESS.
In the middle of nowhere.

Seriously, Im trying hard to disentangle myself from this huge mess.
A huge mess of love & reality.
It's really terribly horribly complicated.

today, is extremely boring. Fared & Dayah working @ Boonlay.
I just spend my time building sandcastles in the air.

Events like Today is what i called, SATISFACTION.

I went with Fared & Godfather to {} to pick up Dayah.
It's a stupid moment because, we believed Godfather's words that her arrivals are located @ terminal 1. So, we boarded a skytrain to Terminal 1; for NOTHING. why? Because I checked with the Information counter, We supposed to go to the Terminal 2 & boarded the Shuttle Bus to get to Dayah. Nice.. we're nearly out of time!
Off we go, running like as if we're in the "Amazing Race". Lucky us, we're on time for her to arrive.

Sweet & vivacious girl she is, she bought me a bracelet, made from Thailand, chewing gums & a Rose. (:

Lesson Learnt: Never to believe Godfather's whenever we end up in Airport.

Afternoon, we went to j.east complex. 3 words, fun fun fun !
This time, we're off with : Rusdan, Rusdi, their cousin. Including Dayah.
It is fully packed with all kinds of race & age. A great sight seeing.

two thumbs up. (:

It's not only of having a cute , romantic, humorous, understanding, honest guy.
I kept wanting, if only theres' a guy;
- who touch my heart softly, cos he don't want me to get hurt.
- who accept my world & combine with his'.
- who brings my fav. candies instead of chocolates.
- who look into my eyes, says.. "I'm Sorry" & mean it.
- who never argue but discuss instead.
- who brings me home everytime but not everyday.
- who take me as i am now, not as i was before.

But what i want, can't always be fulfilled. But it's possible. I know, there will be this certain guy who have all of this out there. If only, i found him. If its' not now, who knows in the future without realising it? But i just can't confirm that anyway.two thumbs down.

I waited, filled with nervous anticipation. Finally,
It's the world cup time ! 2006. two thumbs up.

Midnight.

I'm no soccer connoisseur but i'll be supporting : Brazil (:
Ronaldo? Roberto carlos?

My husband will be joining world cup too, guess who ?
Raul Gonzales, of course. muacks & huggies;
to specially him.

My friend some supports Italy though. Some says Christiano etc.

Im in no mood today, seriously. Without Dayah, Rafi, im lost.
I killed my time with Godfather & fared. atleast, we had interesting conversation.
And i met that Kewell too. well, i dont think thats enough for me.

" Soccer, the antidote to Stress "

Minah tudung.

If only i can petition the Islamic authority to remove irrelavent verbiage from this typical minah tudungs.
Please, " Search your souls & be punctilious " ; Seriously.

Today is what i call a " Purblind" day. I & Dayah waited for IMM bus, impatiently.
Whilst waiting, 3 minah tudungs appeared before us. aged ard 14. They kept staring at us without fail.
The way they stared, : "kalau tampar, terbang sak ke london". I felt so distracted.

when we got to slowly hopped on bus, they're standing behind us which makes me so infuriated.
They blurted loudly, " naseb sia kita muder, ble dirik. klu tua, da mampos sak! hahaha! "
" ah - ah sak. kiter pon baik, tutop aurat, pakai tudong. bukan macam .. paham2 eh, hahaha! "

what the fish.

Such an inglorious act. So what if u wear a scarf & i dont ? when u showed unacceptable character & actions.
behaving badly in public & critisizing the older us. Such a big fat shame.
At the IMM mall, they're almost eveywhere we went. can't they just bug off ! Grr.

Atleast, we get to shop at Hot bun, Old Chang Kee, Sweetalk, Burger King. Food is my boyfriend. (:

And, i grab a heavy bite at coffee shop, mee hoon goreng. yummy yum yum. Off to westmall to blow our minds away. this time with Red & Godfather. Drop by Red house & off to Bbtk east Macdees.

Dayah leaving tmrw to Thailand. Two thumbs down.

1.Someone who does not understand art, literature, MUSIC is a complete PHILISTINISM. u should somehow consume phenobarbitone to help urself.
2.Self - centered humans should not be born in this world; Selfishness is a devil's character.
3.Selection of words like " ALAMAK " is " ALLAH & MAK ". better don't make fun out of it.
4.Minahs should search their souls, rather than vending out a stream of invective & killing their times underblock.
5.Minah tudungs should take pride with their scarfs & not take it just as a form of decoration.
6.Mat tappered should eliminate irrelevant verbiage & learn how to dress in a proper way, i guess chopstick legs aren't sexy enough, especially wearing those 3/4 tightpants. develope some virile qualities.
7.Stop giving a slur on my reputation. U ain't no better person to critisize others. Godamnit to Bitches & sluts.
8.Quit acting as if u're fuck gorgeous when u're not. Just be natural; ppl will accept & sees u as a warm beautiful person.
9.No use making ppl jealous as it won't equals to great effects.If me, i won't bother unduly acts. Undress ur eyes.
10.Stop dreaming of marrying ur boyfriend when u know it's UNFORSEEABLE & UNPREDICTABLE.

Hate this humans' undoings. lol.

Went to catch the opening movie of "The Omen".
Glad to say, its day whereas the Satanic son is born into this world;
Number of the devil represents today; 666. (:

Not to forget, my lovely mum birthday, hugs & kisses.

I feel like killing the movie screen ! the way each of them gets' killed got me so petrified.
Its' shocking every now & then. I guess i shouted a number of times whilst Rafi just laughed all the way.

Its' a movie everybody should watch. That son, is way too cute though. Toodles.

Extracted From "Hoobastank - IF ONLY."
i find it really meaningfull to my life..

I thought it wasn't wrong,
To hide from you,
simple truth.

I was scared,
I felt it all along,
But it hurt to much for me, to share.

If only I, had been this blind.
I'd have someone to hold on to.
IF only I, could change your mind,
If only I had known, If only I had you...

Finally understand,
Why things have happened,
And how it all could go so wrong.

Will this pain ever end?
'cause I don't think I can carry on.

Finally, back again to the white screen.

That pic taken yesterday inside my dad's car otw to tampines.

WHOLE DAY OVER THERE.

my cousin got married with a handsome & rich guy. wooowws. she's a teacher & she brought large crowd of her malay students. that's the awfull part becoz they kept disturbing my peace.WORSER STILL, TODAY, my bro caught by an accident! early morning.. ring it goes the telephone. and bro is at the hospital. now he's at home. can't move around even. awful wounds everywhere. my heart went heavy for him, well, he's my bro after all.

Since tiedly long i've updated. Today was awfully an exhausted outing ever. Went to St.Andrews boys sch which is located at Francis Thomas Drive, Potong Pasir. train after train, yawn after yawn, song after song. =/ but i've made many new friends, & get to keep in touch with some. after that, my friends & i went Bt.timah, al - azahar to grab heavy bites. yumyum! Ida & Aisah then went off seperate ways, whilst i & my sweet buddy killed our time at westmall till 8.45pm. fatigue, i dragged myself home.

Lesson learnt :

Shut the face, fuck the base.

My guy friends told me, Guys have two brains.
One is in their head, the other is their dick. *evil laughs*

Today i catched the movie " XMEN3 " with Godfather & Rafi ;
It's totally, emotional crippling bundled with all other feelings.
The movie is filled with romance, sacrifising , violence, hatred.
I just can't look at The Angel ! He's so charming with his blonde hair with his virile qualities.
Mistique is actually beautiful & too bad, Cyclop died. I don't mind that much because
my favourite, Wolverine became the hero & save the day.
Cheers.

Sunday.

First, I headed out to "Di Tanjong Katong" restaurant. i ordered multiple dishes since it's mums' treat.

Second, we're off to Orchard road, mum wants to find shoes whilst i want a shirt.

Then, we grab kfc bites, as "alas perut". Im so hungry, i just can't think. but . . .
when we arrived Lucky Plaza. i can smell the bangladesh aroma 2 metres away!
Ohmygosh, a stretch of lines of indonesians pros & womens are almost everywhere,
bangladesh guys by their side. eww ! that totally lost my appetite to grab carrot cake @ lucky plaza,
and we left, without a trace.


Saturday.

Hung out with the nonsensical gang :
Fared, Godfather, Rafi, Dayah, Chocolate, Songeh, Glenn (:

We're off to Orchard & Fahmy's gang tag along in same bus as us. Cute coincidence though.
Lepak - ing at Esplanade, was so a memory. guess what ? We saw a shop named " Ah pek ice cream"
When i pronounced it, its' totally with pleasure, it went " Ahhhhhhh pek! ice cream" All went excited by the way i said, and now i became their pleasure machine. Need the sound, & i'll sound it out for u.

THE CLICK FIVE - CATCH YOUR WAVE.
In the middle of the night,
That's when you caught my eye;
I chased you round in memories,
Through the breeze and the trees and you tease me
But hey

The clock's turning around
And you're still playing these games
It's such a waste to bring me down, down, down
Don't bring me down cause

Hey girl,I wanna catch your wave
Hey girl,I wanna drift away with you
Hey girl,you've got an undertow
Hey girl,hey girl, don't wanna let you go

When I turned sixteen
That's when I started to dream
I chased you round in memories
Through the breeze and the trees and you tease me
But hey!

Well every princess has her knight
And I'm still in it for the fight
Not givin' in, I'm gonna win, win, win
I'm gonna win cause

Hey girl,I wanna catch your wave
Hey girl,I wanna drift away with you
Hey girl,you've got an undertow
Hey girl,hey girl don't wanna let you go

I'm never gonna let you go..

This song? peoples been singing it to me lately. contagious but hotpick! thanked syafiq for the song.
My New addiction: Tell me; Bobby Valentino ft Lil Wayne. / Teman tapi Mesra; Ratu.

Updates: Yesterday i catched a new opening movie of "Voice" with Syuan, Rafi, Ramdhan aka Godfather, Farid aka Parking attendant [ he love to saman ppls ] , Hidayah, Glenn. too bad, Siva & Chocolate didnt tag along. Siva dropped by Burger King. we have a big Xmen Chats. debate with Glenn regarding Love & future Matters.
Totally P U R R F A C T quality time we had together. i can't stop digging into popcorn noisily, poking godfathers hand!, laugh for nothing, never let them drink their lemontea . out of cinema, all commented tht im the most nuisance human in tht cinema! SORRY!."voice" ain't that scary anyway, but terribly COMPLICATED! ! damn hard to understand. triple knots to untangle in that kind of story. Hidayah whose eyes half dead is the one who can know how the story went! But i get it in the end with her explanations. Overall the movie is a blast! u should catch tht movie. up next is Scary Movie 4 & Xmen. yippee. :)

I adore this lyric. Enjoy reading.
MANUSIA BIASA. -RADJA-
Seandainya ku bisa, inginku petik bintang;
Untukmu aku persembahkan,
Namun ku manusia, bukanlah dewa;
Yang kupunya hanyalah cinta kasih sayang.
Aku hanyalah manusia biasa;
Yang tak pernah lepas dari khilaf,
Ku mencuba merubah segalanya;
Mungkin ada kesempatan.
Aku juga merasa ingin dicinta;
Disanjung dipeluk selamanya,
Kalau memang kusalah berikan maaf;
Demi sumpah cinta yang pernah kita ucapkan.
In love, u would do anything to show that u love that someone.
Updates:
MYE finally started. What questions that contained in the paper are a total mystery to me, only i know what to expect. so far, SS paper is the only problem i encountered! I aint satisfied! the invigilator didnt tell us to start doing our papers & we're there sitting impatiently for her to give instructions. not only that, it eaten up our time & majority didn't get to complete the paper. including me. stupid idiot scumbag! did she know how exams meant so much to me? she don't even cared.
weird events happened today. like.. a group of either bv or hgrove guys following me & my frend. my frend felt uneasy so we crept to a safe sidewalk. suddenly, they called out my NAME!? they talked abt many things. i cant visioned who is the guy. AS USUAL, poor vision. there's so many guys.. & i have loads of guy frends within that area & school. i don't concentrate on their faces. too bad. :) . going home, we walked on the usual path near street soccer & so called "pondok" area. i don't realised theres tonnes of hillgrove guys blabla on that "pondok". suddenly, few guys called out to us. Nurul recognised a guy, Supyandi; which i know by name only. eww..greeted, disturbed & waved goodbyes. lols. i send Nurul first, since im having plenty of time to waste. VERY BAD, after i send her, i walked alone. there's this guy which i believed belong to that pondok group ride a bike & surround me. he ask for number siak! scary liaooo. i dont know, i say "tknk ah, maluuu.." haha! stupidest answer by mei gue. ive never been so stupid loike auntie. Go home alooone.. i saw david & zuriel inside macdonalds. ah, finally! zuriel. long time no see. :) loads&loads drug addicts scattered everywhere too. esp ard 3plus. their usual timing. i observed tht they buy it secretly from "pasar biru" boxes. im noone to complain anyway. last but not least, can u believe? a chinese man on the bike said " Nak Rokok?" to me! So embarrased, infront of the 4technicals. bustards. i quickly walkoff! i don't know why today seems so weird!!. weirder than yesterday. why eh?. hmps.
today on my IMISSYOU list -SOMEONE!!- -rnne mua bestiie- -fridge boii & rafi slang- -NURUL!- ...

LOVE.
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
MORE SAYINGS.
When u're in love, all i had to say is: dont be TOO IN LOVE. just be in love, in a healthy way.
U know why, it's all because it wont last, it will end. if not now, it will soon. they say "hottest love have coldest ends". i dont want to see u terribly miserable in the end. just because u're SOO IN LOVE.
When u have a boyfriend, dont be over TOO PROUD just because u have him. he may be UR boyfriend, but he's certainly not ur husband u can boast about. he's not that hot anyway. even he is, there's certainly a guy MORE hotter than ur boyfriend.we're still young friends. just b in love, in a very acceptable way & limit.
if u dont accept my sayings, remember. this is my blog. ive my own right to list this. i post this specially for my teck whye friends. :) lotsa love.

PHOTO TIME.
THIS IS MOHD RAUL
ILHAN. MY SIS 2ND BABY. 1 month. ISNT
HE CUTE!?
i can't resist him everytime he's beside me. especially when he's smiling, sleeping or staring with it's big black eyes.



MY SISTER, ROSE IDARITA. DONT GET OUR NAMES WRONG. MINE'S ROSE IDARIZA. She's 22. Married. i took her experience as examples. She's going through alot. both a young mother & daughter. i respect her for that.






OKAY. THAT IS ME. young & confused. so windy, that my hair gone messy all over.






MY MUM & RIKI! I love riki! he's so photogenic & his smiles is what attracted me. moreover, he's talented at singing all sorts of song. from jiwang to reggae, from cartoon to techno! even alternatives from hot hot heat. rock song, hysteria from muse. :) he's multi talented. he love soccer to the core i tell u that. he will cry if he's not in jersey or lost his balls. if u switch on a soccer channel, u'll be seeing him cheering like demented person.




MY BRO IN RED. ROFIAN. 20 this year. even though he's naughty, he have a good heart. he's sooo loyal to his girlfriend. which is hard for me to see loyal nitec, ite guys nowadays. luckily my bro is one of them whom u can called a faithful human.

WARMLESS ON THE SOUL.
Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.
Missing my blardey cute nieces; Mohd Raul Ilhan, Riki Irfan. Nothing can compare in this world to them both. They're officially not staying with me anymore. That's a total Heartbreak. im such an emotional cripple. sobs. They're staying at our 2nd home. Recently, my parents planned on a way that i can be with Riki & Raul 24/7 365 days. But .. we have not come to decision yet.
Besides that, I'd taken half-day leave today. Im having sore eyes, slight fever & sciatica simultaneously. those sciatic are hurting me now and then. i'd collided with B guy tonnes of time, even when im taking leave during recess. "skarang mo settle exam dulu.. ako mo pass. oi plabuto.. ako nk kena belajar .. caos. :)"
BAK KATA ORG MELAYU:
Susah dulu Senang Kemudian. BODOH!

ME INSIDE.
Giving in to what has got me
Feeling claustrophobic, scarred
Severed me from all emotion
Life is just too fucking hard
SNAP! Your face was all it took
Cuz this need ain't doin' me no good
Fall on my face, but can't you see?
This fucking life is KILLING ME!

Totally confused. im fully consumed with many kind of feelings. how am i supposed to describe it? im feeling full of hysteria, at the same time; i can't stop blushing, im traumatised, happy, scared, worried..
I got a shocking news. jeng jeng jeng! "Love Struck" ...SOMEONE admires me. i don't really realised it at first, but as days goes by, im starting to notice those weird events. i passed by these group of guys & everytime i got this uneasy feelings abt them. they stared at me in unusual way. moreover, recently .. i drop by their class wanting to chat with my friends & those group of guys start staring & whispering to each other abt me!. i don't know who but someone said im pretty(whthehell, hehe) ..they all smiled at me except for my old bud. he called out to me. OMG. not only that. i received news .. SOMEONE admirers me. but WHO?who's the criminal who want to steal my heart?. but i know & i heard its one of the guys. i know them. ARGHH. :) making me more confused than usual.

NOT ONLY THAT. i felt totally glad that im choreographing dance with shima, fira for installation. plus, The Pimpjuice invited me. well oh well HOW HAPPY I AM!. but.. i need a break. mid year is around the corner. Suprisingly i only failed my ss for class test. im studying like a geek at school & home. wellll, for the sake of having a fucking good future; ladies & gentleguys.

I believe : "If theres a will, theres a way."
Never beyond remedy. - Rose.

From the darkness I walk into the light,
From the day I walk into the night,
From the shadows I will appear,
With a message for all who will hear.
For the weak of heart I will be strong,
To the defenders of faith I will belong,
Till the last of us fight till we die ,
Till the keys of the love are mine.
All stand together for the world to see,
Now the time is right to live out all our dreams,
Say the words forever, your strength will never leave,
If you want to win the fight, say "I believe" .

The reason i'd never update my blog for the past few days is simply because im having a fever. nauseating now & then. is this some kind of phantasmagoria? as i never stop being sick. almost every week, i did not attend any one of the day. are my phagocytes nt working? hrmmph. i can't get myself entertained easily nowadays.
moreover, i dont buy energy bags to suit myself as audience during speechday. i'd rather went off to a visit at hospital. heartbreaking moments, tears that never stop falling.late afternoon i forked up some time to be with azrie. we did a long walkathon & mrt trips. funfiiled aura, how i wished it would last, but it dont. that was thursday.
friday?saturday?today? i fell into a deep fever. i took a nap most of the time.all because of playing in the rain. all because of tears vented out of pain. believe it or not? i woke up 5pm today!

`AGITATED.- By Rose.
Set Me Free
Let Me Be
Who And What I Am
Why Can't You See?

You Never Seem To Understand
This Pain I Feel Is As Real
As Your Ignorance
Question Fate
As I Await Deliverance
Like A Fantastic Fork
In Bloody Meat
Don't Give Me Love
I Wanna Drowned In Your Deep Divide
Tumbleweed Sew The Seed
In This Ghost Town
You Never Know
What You'll See
When The Sun Goes Down
I Saw Him Last
In A Dream
He Seems To Astound
Heard Of His First Third Verse
Hands Bound
Taken From Me
In My Mind Empty
Without It Inside
Starving I Am The Deprived
Just Want It Once...
desires Strong
Resistance Is Weak
It's Hard To Win
When You've Got So Many Mouths To Feed
I Could Die
For All Of My Sins
No Not For That
For All That I Have Never Had
This Life's A Fight
For Fulfillment Inside
A War Of My Own Hindsight
Look Back With Resentment
Taken As I Find Myself
All Alone
Taken From Me

#END##
Updates:
I felt tired & frazzled. The next day After my 2.4km run test; which i did it very well (15mins,2ndgirl), My leg became weak. This cause difficulties for me to walk. My classmates noticed my actions & they adviced me to rest at Home.
Ive got no Mood. Ive totally worned off. But this dont actually prevented me from passing good grades. Supricingly, every test issued to me, i passed with flying roses. yakyaks. I have to thank MX&HS for tutoring me in Maths. Chinaguys & famously talented in Maths.
I don't want to be a sore Loser in the future. I want a good career. :)

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Weeoo. Baik uhh Rose, tk dtg skola lagi. Seperti biasa. freakingfish unhealthy. apesol dak jadi ngn kidney aku. kaki aku. sooo.. BLARDEYfucked up siak. penyakit. lagipon ade aper kt skola? sume menyakitkan hati aku jer.lagi-lagi ader ah budak express yg mempunyai penyakit luar biasa. mulut besar, pepek busuk. ckp org mcm2 tapi sendiri tk btol. kutok abes- abesan. bila dia sorang, tkder geng, tk berani. pengecut. aper lagi klu seseorang tu mcm galah, bibir, AJ, perut berbelon, pantat square. pekik mcm MONYET bangla. tkde adat, pompan tapi perangai mcm betina sial. aku malas nk layan, ni semua kerja budak2 kecik. nk mampos kt neraka per.
ada kawan pon, nanti drg TINGGALKAN. da jumpa baru, lupakan org. tkde value of frenship. nnti org physcho drg ckp AKU yg salah, drg percaya per. drg mane igt word TRUST. senang terpedaya. Ishishish. gi lah. percaya lah kata-kata setan. aku manenye besar nk paksa seseorang utk percaya aku. kawan da berapa lama pulak tu. nk tgk aku merana siak budak2 skrg. asalkan drg puaskan diri mereka. :) OKLORRR.
aku saket. buaiizzz.

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broken. shattered after i talked to haikal. quite a relief at the same time. maybe i felt better, or even worser. sch sucks with no thermal vibal tribal vibe concentration. only Houshuai&mingxing interest me. weeo. go ahead. ALL GOO!! let me loose evryone. all i know, deep inside. truth comes out even before u know it. trust is priceless & u cant buy it.
NEXT, the funny part flew by. out i went off frm sch gate. i cant belif it but. zuriel is right on my path, riding its bike accompanied by a frend. do he know how to ride a bike? zigzag & nearly hit me!. ahh. they laughed. tsk. *enlarged noseholes* afternoon went fine. and azrie planned to go for movie with me. yeys. cant wait. he's my life for now. :). thanks eqa fo supporting me with advices. i deeply appreciatte it. what frens are for rite. *.*

HOW IRONIC!!## . peeyuk. XD

today. certainly 'a' irony day. atrocious. i cant even resolute on what to do next. am i supposed to act happy? orrr, moaned all day? coz im into both. tskkk, my mum nagged at me almost every hour. gas mask & ear plugs anyone? & ppl lay low on me. my concerns are nutink to them. i wonder. But my throat's finally cleared as azrie send me tonnes of msgs. aaalllaala~ byk nyee. funny siak. i smsed zu. yeah! tmrw i'll be dropping by mcds to look fo zu. NTF. Haikal. =D. i kinda chat with him. he's fine finaally. his smiles overjoyed me. haix.

STILL. this dont. change all. i feel i like i wanna DIE. haish. intensive visit to hospital. i hope i'll be well asap. future aheads that ive yet to cover. :). BACK TO SCH TMRW. yikes. ###.

IheartSEANPAUL##. deadly. :)

Am fatigue. Not the best optimum to update. problems aside as iREALLY am frazzled.tsk.FRIDAYis more of like a WHOLE DAY outing. i dint attend sch. off to hospital as usual. NOBODY knew why i go. i keep it low. the best part is: i met azrie! yeys. im in pink, he's in brown. am sho sorry fo being late. wherever we went, we went -gaga-. funny outing. we explored the whole cozwey & library across. omg. at5pm we went off to our own destination. me, off to campfire. it rained twice. but still, ard 7plus, they had it!. at night, i&atiqah drop my macds. zuriel served US!. shoo embarasssed. i even put my head down to avoid his gaze. hehex. 9+ finaally. home sweet home. TODAY## in 30 minutes, off to swimming. yippee. with my darlings in crap. stressOUT!.
songs U should listen to: Original One!perangkap Cinta. & never wanna Make U cry- kevinLyttle.

#BUTAKAH CINTA# ..SPRING.. ##
Here i am, done Some researches. THIS IS:
a lyric that may Unlock Ur heart to Reality of Love.
Enjoii darlings. =D (menghayati lah ..)

Berapa lamakah lagi
Trpaksa aku menanti
Sehingga pedihnya penyiksaan di hati
Bukan hanya kepentingan
Malahan keegoan telah ku korbankan
Berlimpahan kasih sayang...
aku curahkan Buat mu seorang...
Kiranya semua itu Tak bermadai bagi mu
Apa sebenarnya yang kau mahu
Ku tak tahu...
Kau hilang bila ku tiba
Kau datang bila ku kecewa...
Terasa diri...di persenda...
Dimana berakhirnya nanti
Permainan sendiwara mu ini...
Sesungguhnya aku... tak mengerti...
Jika benar cinta itu buta...
Butakah mata ku...
Berkali terluka masih jua... ku merindu...
Apa yang ku inginkan...
Cuma kejujuran dalam perhubungan...
Jika itu tiada...
Apalah ertinya...
Penantian ini hanya sia-sia..
*##END##*

Have not been Updating For quite few Days. Things went Absolutely fine. Azrie is my sms Partner lately. Zuriel's been having cca& he'll be working this friday.yeys. But oh, don't get me wrong. I dont have lots of guys. They like me. i like them too. but ME! IM in a sense of JUSTFRENDS# .. FIRST! .. as, i luuurbs expanding circles of frends/relationships/ties.
But i dont understand why? that .. my heart ache for this someone. whenever my heart beats,it mention his name. guess who ..
#backONTRACK## today go causeway with frends. ida, azrie, zai kept calling my hp! so irritated seh. hehex. sorry darls. iREALLYam too busy at that moment. "tgh menikmati makanan .. njoii shopping .. ader2 ajer" =) i spend alort. since my sister & bro gifted me some cash. endless pink stuff i bought. ONEmoment i cant forget is that, a guy came up to me & ask fo donation, guess what i do? I LAUGHED AT HIM!. there he is being serious, im here laughing like idiot. moreover he says im a poly student. OMG.? do i look blardeyMATURED to him? tsk. sakit hati .. FLIPFLAVAS' fo the day -> bas drama. a guy sleep at bus till he fell! the ite girl laugh and poke his face. (as usual, i laugh like hell). a malayskater dude trip & knock his head on aircon. chicken little!. a bangla guy digging his nose away. his shirt is BLARDEY perfumic! tableh tahan siuk. ANDlast. my frend sneeze DAMNloud seeh. SOworst!. here i am laughing till my cheek HURTS!.
so many things happened. zai&khairi approached. si faizal with his nonstop qns. darling houshuai kept asking me to teach him malay. Yeeaa. today: lesson he Learnt. : Kau takde otak, bodoh. <> ni meiyo nau ah! <> funny.tsk.

Back to hp,back to com, back to past. U remember Hazwan? i Do. MSGs finally. Suprised, VERY SUPRISED. he's with azura. nice story. MSGs wanting to poke me. #goAWAY# pls. i hateTHIS. wat stupid bulletin u put up?? PLAYBOYNO1 kat Jurong WEST.. U are .. URGHH!!!!!!!!!! #draggingNOMORE ..
yesterday, i went to town. Splendid Quality time. spot Joanne&Han Joo. new discovery! carrot cake @ lucky plaza tastes Fantab. amazing discovery no.2, theres a new tshirtdesign making shop with blardeygood drawings. i got the name card & pics taken at hp. =D
afternoons, showed up at performance STAGE area near cinneleisure. hipHOP performances. Totally cool. My peeps were there. Rizal the rapper performed. yeys. interesting arena+peoples. skaters+footballers nearby. wowwow yeah. im loving it.
### back to Today. ## sit at home. k. tsk. BYEEE.

#DEFEND YOUR CHASTITY TO BE MORALLY PURE#
#NOBODYS PERFECT# .. not even YOU. so TRUE. =D .

Here i am. wonderCYCLONES hitting every corner of my mind. what am i supposed to do?how to help her?i cant stand looking at my bestie. RNNE; she's carrying a Bleeding Heart. I WONDER, why PPL couldnt be just happy for them. [APIS&RNNE].
By First, when U insult them, U're gifted with mountains of Sin. Moreover if thats Ur own Siblings. Besides that, LET THEM make their own decisions.lt them be. WHATS UR PROBLEM? if they "SHOW OFF", why are U Uneasy abt it? its not that they "SHOW OFF". it shows how much they love each other, telling the whole world; THATS HER/HIM. isnt that Romantique.?. Some ppl preferred being low profiled. Some ppl preffered being high profiled. It all based on its own's person. theres No Right&Wrong in it.
PLUS,, basically.. WE ALL KNOW .. Relationship wont last. it all ends with tears.
DRAGGINGnoMORE##.
Today's Schours rock Bebeh. I Lurbs MingXing. Hou Shuai. YongSheng. they're the Apple of My Eyes. *winkies*. Esp MX & HS. my darlings in crap. AKU CINTA SAMA KAMU* pst: too bad they gt their HOT Gfs & i hv my guyss.
last but not least, CCA is the FLIPFLAVA's of the day. cafe, eat .. went to teens leisure & played monopoly & jenga. Dayah's an intrepid human overall today. back home late as usual =).

Yesterday never school. Am sick, am Fatigue. woke-up at 11.30am; what do u expect? get pack to Sch? rather enjoy the Snores. &Today, back to sch. Glad to sit beside the Childish yet 19th year Old Hou shuai. Mingxing then Blurted "Rose, long time never see u" greeaat. & start making fun of me as usual. call me whuuut? MAWAR. their pronounciation of mawar is more like .. MAWAK!. so Ugly sia the word. =/ . i regret teaching them. But then, english Lesson is where FLIPFLAVA' hits. every representative from each group had to present the speech. im ONE of them. *GULLLP*. when it was my turn, i trembled & my hand was vibrating!. shits. i tried my best to deliver my essay on "what i want my parents to know abt me". Guess what, my paper was in A DEEP MESS. my paragraph was all over. =p heez. Luckily. OH. Luckily i hit the mark. teacher commented tht mine is the most meaningfull essay. cheers&applause. voting time! & i get the most vote. but. im 2nd. teacher picked rachel tho.' but nah, she deliver the essay well too!. =) came back in & houshuai geng, azrin geng, huda geng cheered & talked to me.thanks fo the support aisah!. recess, fida geng commented on it, after sch, jia yi commented on it too. U guys ROCK bebeh.
this cut off my worries on zuzu. he'll be back tmrw liaos. cant wait. mis those stupididiot talk. mcm best gitu kans. haaasss. =). anyway ..
hmm. but i got few curious feeling on a guy named "fir" tampines. how he gt my numb? he said .. he get my number thru his frend. WHO is it?? niceeeee. its for him to know and i to find out.
last but not least. ive terminated my numb! applying new numb tmrw. yeys. 24/7 with my hp. daaaa.. (*.*)\/

BACK TO SCHOOL!

sch went fantab. finally back to my partner Hou Shuai. 19 but still childish. heez. envy his merepeks. but im sick!. so .. i dont attend mass run & p.e lesson (rugby). after sch i stayed at the cafe & done some duties, free food bla bla. everything went so fine only tht i caught up with some smelly mouth girls. AJs. i ignored them, coz i dont care!. then .. RAIN FALLS .. i felt like not returning home so i & my frend set off to mcds. Talking bot mcds, i remembered Zuriel!. he's having camp for 3 solid days. greeaaat. =/ .. bored liao mah without him. tsk. nort fair.

too much going ON. yuan li done a stupid act on me. Hidayah showed me the pictures of our fren Hakim & Hisyam (twins). how matured they've grown. =) till hidayah cair for Hisyam rather than Kimi. ahaaks. heran bin ajaib. selalunya Kimi.

Then i remembered .. Haikal.
wonder if Haikal is ok by now. Hmmps. =) cheer up.

PHEWWW.

yesterday was a hotshot. pheew. hole day OUT SHOPPING. at 10am set off to salon. mum rebond hair. 4hour must wait. tsk. but i help myself by cut+wash+blow+dry. splendid, im now loving my hair. yeys. i spend 10bucks on mcds & kfcs. anthr 10bucks on slippers whilst waiting. afternoon,dad pick us up & set off eating at kedai kopi near mosque. ate my fav! Nasi Ayam Goreng. late afternoon drop by meeting Sharon till dusk. funfilledfreaks. Night shopping at wm~. buy shirts,watches, accessories & shorts. ahaaks. with my whooole family. including baby raul excluding my brother. so tired! so SHUT DOWN. engines running out. but weirdest part is; i cant bobok!. thinking of hw, haikal & food. tried to blow it off by still msging zuriel the whooole night. funny liao. heez. when i tried to close my eyes .. Riki disturbed me. Urghh! he's my sleeping partner since january. irritating chicken little. he will kept asking me to draw shapes, numbers & sing me a chicken little song. if not, techno, hothotheat songs!. how terrible is that? a kid age4 years old . gee, fascinated though. a terrible night.

Drowning in a bifurcating river ..
LOST .. DEAD ..
i carried a bleeding heart
asking myself ..
"Did i make a Mistake?"
who am i?what am i?
Lost in the search of identity ..
I AM:
R otten
0 bsessed
S hattered
E mpty

Haiz .. Today NO FLIFLAVAS' .
STRESS, Shits, Shuts ..

A CORONARY EMBOLISM

Drowzy, Emetic. No mood to eat. Bleeding finger. MRT incident is de only FLIPFLAVA fo de day. Firstly, "kid" from Bara sat beside me fo de whole damn journey. -tak jakon-. Then, Hyrul anuar came in with a Girl. clothings? Fuuyoh! . with Shiny specs Somemore.
-jakon sikit- Not only that; A guy look EXACTLY like SHAGGY hop in at Raffles. -ni baru jakon- i mumbled .."ni mesti shaggy syndicate .. Nasib bukan sean paul .. klu tidak, aku da kejar dia .. Hehe .." Futhermore, theres happyhouse girls, vondutchers, bitches which i Mainly hate. Weird sights counted in like, womens without Bras wearing a see-thru shirts-plabutos-, a stylish modern nyonya with long dyed hair,tappered pants, top. ( dari blakang nmpk muda, skali pandang muka., krepot lah ..) Many sight seeing Ive done huh?, Hehe .. Being sick, makes myself so Unpretty, slack clothes & deadface. Dont worry!as i gt well, i'll be in my every best clothes. Besides, i bought new shoe, slippers, miniskirtie & mp3! .. Im Loving it.

Fun&Freedom.

i got what i wanted. Holidays!. I really need a Break. Seems like Every single day, im Out of my Crib. Simply cant stick my Butt at Home. If so, I DIE! . Ah, Sunday went to Akashah's Bday party. Met Iqmal, Ifwat, Yan, Aisah, Rnne, Dayah @ Int. at later time, Yana etc with Their Bf came. Absolute Fun :). Late afterNn met fren At mall. Dayah & me have Loooong Talks on our Personals. Late night, I&kal called. So worried for Him. *sigghhhs* Such a mother i am.
And .. after This, I have to visit the parkview Condos (4na Party). Zuzu's Area.!. Hope to spot Zu somewhere .. Im somewhat reluctant to Go. But i have to anyway. a tiring Day goes ahead ..

Free - Key. friday-

friday is the last Day of Term1. Marvelous.!. I Need a Break. Results Given. I Need to Improve. Not being A Dilapilating Nonaganarians. Assmbly after assmbly, Plus emergency Exercise. Boring Stuff.~ But talking to My Bestie: Rnne Cleared up my Throat. Secrets out, talks out. Yikess.!. & Its Free - key. H**** & *A**I* Is Another insane being Free - key. towards me. (-.-)". Better not talk Bout it. Lols~ . after Sch is when The excitement Comes. (excluding Going Hospital). Meet Haikal @ Tampines. yakyakyak!. my Beloved Hometown. x)
Im being Introduced by a Couple or 3 of his Frends. Atleast, I Find them funny & friendly. Bleh Tahan. =). Rather than "Sombong" right.. Umm, Off to Park, & Frend's Home. See bitof Clips by 8mile & hanyut etc etc. Everything went So fine Today, & Nut thing spoils it.

Mood Swing.

Some Peoples, Seems to be Throwing their Tantrums on Me. I Dont know why. But I felt So Dissapointed. So Dismayed. Why am i So Sensitive, Crying Terribly at this Night?. Im Useless. Today, Sharon's Bad Mood. & we Drop by Mac'D. At 1 Moment, i Get too Mad, tht i walked Off. without Her. Zuzu was there, working & spotted it. Cheeses. At Sch, No mere Differences. Im Too Fake!. trying to Be happy all This while. Nvr Contacrt my dearie for 1 Day is like Hell to me. =( So Empty.. without Him here .. wonder if he Really Knew. Hmrrrphh! Pee - yook. Moreover, Ive Lagged Communication with my Bestfrend, Rnne. whut Happened to Us? what happened to Her? alot Of Problems she's Been keeping From Me. I cant Bear to Handle My Worriedness. What Should I Do .. Where Should I Go .. Im Lost .. Hoping that tmrw wont end up WORSER..

School RULEZ.

I Got My RESULTS. one peek = Bleuuuk!. Felt So Glad that my Combined Science Passed! tho' 1 of the test, i take MC. out of 6 ( supposingly 8) Failed 2 Subs. Maths + English. (Opppps, eng - my BEST subj failed? ) Dont get me Wrong. English Paper is a Complete disaster. A Passage from somekind of HighStandards articles. only 6 passes in my class. (-.-)". i need 4more marks. Damnit.
Those Dismays doesnt seem to last till Assembly. Skids abt - Gangsterism, Drugs, Sex, Family Abuse was pt up.Very - derr - gerek. =p
Afternoons we went to K.R park. Squuue!. During breathings, i took a ZzzZ. Boring~ on the bus, I eat all the way. *CRUNCHHHH!*. & btw, the instructor Sporting sia!. evrytime we gt a clever answer, he goes " I Salute u ah ". everybdy goes - Fuyooh - .. HAHA.. the outings' not bad after all..
Additional Notation:
Seems the Detention Ppls placed at the foyer beens getting on my Nerve everytime i was abt to go Home. & after that outing, there they go agn, Disturb me. OMG. *bang heads on the wall*. Dont disturb me P.L.E.A.S.E. ; coz i BITE.

*ps: abt to watch soccer/ teehees.

BUSHWHACK!!

That Girl from Sec 3 is trying to Make Me "Jealous". She went Off Home with That Dude. Tsk, why Should I Care anyway? Jealousy Dont Cluck My Hands & Burst My eyeballs Nowadays. Her Frends are more like Wildbores Arent they? They Critisized me. Kanasai. Think twice shits, People Hate U guys. Stop blabbering, coz Ur Mouth Stinks!. PUKKKE!
Urgh, No wasting time, My sch Hours Went Fantab. I Lurffffes de Coach Carter Movie. I Lurffffes Maths lesson. Ms Ang is shoo Keeyut. with her new Skirtie. x) Lesson learnt : Median, Interquartile, Percentile. so E.A.S.Y. After Sch, drop by Cafe', grabbed FREE food. And went patroling + lepaking with Sharon Nearby. we talked crap all the way!. i open up a topic of Hindi movies, Hindo Heros/ins & Swimming. OMG. am i nuts? i speak out how talented, handsome, pretty they are. AND SOOOO EXCITED OVER IT. cant believe it. even sharon blurted " Rose, I never expect u to be a Biggest fan of Hindi sia. later u'll become like Julia in Cinta Bollywood; go to India" *frowns* NO NO NO never OKAY? =p im not that fully demented. yadas~
ANYWAY, i Miss Dearie loads.
=( where is He? Boo.

BLOODY SUNDAY.

Good Part: I Met Shafeeqah. Funny SnapShots taken. =p. the bad part is: Frens Bug me For Free Tuition. & I Spot Both of My ex Under My Blk. *Frowns* They are Cousins. Hazwan & Katak (Sharifudin) on one Bike. Wan Noraimi called up To me. We all Talked. Urghhh. I hate Them. I walked Off. Katak Blurted " Muka Action sehh .." .. LOL .. I Dont care. I dislike Being Rude. Just Friends.

AM I IN LOVE?
SAT: i met Haikal at Bedok. :) A Magical Time I had with HIM. Cant stop Thinking Of Him. Miz His Hugs&Kisses. yadas~

BOYFRIEND

yay, its the boyfrend season. can see tht almost all of my frends been discussing & sharing their utmost experience with their boyfrend to others. and to myself. if not boyfrends, CRUSHES. & lately, ive been tied up in love myself. =p / wakaka! / ..
today: its 7.48am, im late. result: NO SCHOOL. i continued my ZzZ till 10.48am. a nice rush to the hospital. yippeee! .. RAUL is finally born into the 2006 world .. where actually, ISLAM is already been CTZ by the KAFIR. hint: the world are about to stumble. THERE HE IS, as i entered the ward .. so KEEEEYUTTTT & SMALLL. x) OMG. his head is 3/4 of my palm. such an adorable smile., innocence .. a hero is coming back to its crib tmrw. ahh .. finally, another nephew fo me.
AFTERNOON, i came back, exhausted. chit chat chit chat .. & sharon came to my crib. we had a nice laugh, moreover, she burped & sneezed dmn loudly. kiwek! terrible. horrible. as i set off home during the dusk hour, my mind set to a certain someone. wow, am i in love baybeh? . lolls . i hope so NOT TOO SERIOUSLY.. so scared to be heartbroken. AGAIN.. i smsed haikal btw. called him up at 11.30pm. my bro was sooohh kepo & he kept teasing me. my dad & mum asked me, "laki tu dah nombor ke berapa, dek?" omg. NOMBOR KE BERAPA? make me want to shit! .. and i DO SHIT! afterthat. wakaka! im not attached.& NO PRIVACY TOO. they owes flip thru my t.c. jus to find out the latest news happening by her daughter .. Rose Idariza ..